Monday, February 27, 2012

Courage, Confessions & Change...

Hello everyone!!! How have you all been? I know it's been a brief while since I was on here last. And even though it's really only been 2 weeks, it does feel like so much longer when it comes to "blog land!" :) In all honesty, I was debating back and forth as to how I was going to talk about what has been going on over here for the past month or so {actually, it's been much longer than that}, and that's probably why I haven't really said much about it until now. But I figured that I'll just be as honest & true about it as possible, and will try my best not to be too cryptic...



Have you ever felt like there were times in your life that you were just going through the motions? That each day passes, and you're kind of in a "fog?" Wondering if what you are presently doing is your true calling in life? Or if possibly you were destined to do something completely different? As you continue to ponder, those days turn into weeks, and those weeks turn into years, and then one morning you wake up, and you are still wondering where you really are in this "tree of life?"



Maybe many of you have never felt that way because you know exactly where you are supposed to be. But for some people like myself, it really has been a struggle personally. I did go through some very difficult and painful experiences on my own during my early years {late teens, but adulthood}, but thankfully I was able to get through it all in one piece, but definitely NOT without any consequences. With that being said, I wouldn't change one thing about the past, as it has molded me into the stronger person that I am today. But there is still some unfinished business that I have been waiting patiently to complete...



So without having to get too melodramatic about it, I will just cut to the chase and state that I have decided to pursue an old {but modified} dream of mine. This so-called "dream" isn't something that just popped out of nowhere. It has been something that I have contemplated about for many, many years. But the "stars never seemed to have been aligned" for me...at least so I thought. Truthfully, fear had much to do with the wait. Of course, finances as well as other factors like never feeling good enough, or dare I say that I felt too old to try & make a change in my life!



But you know what? Life is constantly in bloom, and if one window in a dark little room closes...another one can only open!



But if only going back to pursue those dreams were as easy as receiving a bagful of goodies on Valentine's Day! Wishful thinking, I know. :)



But I can't even begin to tell you all the feelings that have surfaced after this journey for myself began. Feeling like a nervous wreck, trying to manage my time between commuting, necessary time for myself, as well as making sure I am devoting enough time with my family. And let's not forget the various projects on the home front... Truthfully, I have been overwhelmed, happy, nervous, excited, nauseous, and insecure all at the same time {whew!}!



So at times like this, I look to my family for inspiration & support. Yes, my children really are my heroes! Its those boys of mine who have helped me get through some of my darkest days. I won't lie, I've had my fair share of depression and feelings of isolation, but when I think about how much my boys need me and how much they look up to me, I simply can't let them down. And it also really helps to have the most loving & supportive husband that any woman and wife could ever ask for. My darling hubby really is my rock!



And so my "trio of boys" are the foundation in my life! Sadly, they are also the only ones that really support my decisions. Without having to get into anymore personal details, they are the only ones amongst those in my immediate & extended family that understand and support my choices. The situation is really much more complicated than I'm willing to unveil at this time, but just know that I do have a tendency to be guarded and sometimes there are inevitable consequences of being too elusive.



At any rate, life is beautiful and it's too fleeting to have to worry about what others think. And so, here I am opening myself up to my friends and readers here in blog land. Some people may not understand or agree with some of the things that I {do or} write about; and some people may embrace me wholeheartedly. But regardless, this is me: at times vulnerable & insecure, but mostly honest, genuine & true.



And so with that all being said, I hope you will continue to follow me on this little journey called life. :) And although my time here {in the "land of blog"} may sometimes be limited due to time constraints, there is still so much that I want to share! Constant redos on the "fixer upper" home front, creative projects that I am always so excited to show you, etc. You all really do inspire me to be be just as inspiring {I hope that makes sense}! :)



Well my dear friends, I hope I was honest enough without having to be too vague. It's hard for me to put myself out there, but because this decision is a huge part of who I am, being forthcoming about it was the only way to go. :) Anyway, I hope you all had a most wonderful weekend and wishing you all a lovely new week!!!



XOXO's,
Jessie





P.S. In case you are wondering, those "Valentine's images" were craft projects that my youngest son did at his school using pieces of clothing that he had outgrown. And the bags of goodies were a last minute project that we worked on using the vintage twine that I purchased from Maria at Dreamy Whites He was then able to pass them around to his classmates on Vday & my preschooler wrote those letters all by himself {of course I had to tell him which letters to write}! :)

31 comments:

Tracey Steele said...

I wish you well in your new venture. I think sometimes in life we simply have to accept that we "can't please all the people all the time." So if this is right for you, your husband, and your boys then those who don't approve will have to deal with that themselves. Sometimes people can be unintentionally selfish when they express their opinion. Just because what you want to do might not suit them, they should remember it is your life and not theirs, and offer support, if not approval.

April Lou said...

Good luck to you in your endeavors. Your successes will prove the nay sayers wrong. I know you will find lots of love and support from the blog world.

It takes a lot of courage to take a chance!

Tricia said...

Oh Jessie, I know exactly what you mean about going through the motions and wondering what you're suppose to be doing in life, that's me too. I've spent countless hours thinking and praying...wondering where my life is suppose to be heading and what I'm meant to be doing. I think if you're dreams weren't supported when you were younger this is the result. I hope you follow wherever it is that your heart is leading you...life goes by to quickly.

Twyla and Lindsey said...

As long as you have the love and support of your husband and sons, that is the most important and comforting thing. Wishing you much success and happiness, love and peace. Have a nice week! Twyla

La Vie Quotidienne said...

It is always good to be able to follow your dreams ~ hope it all works out wonderfully.

Sarah said...

I do know how you feel...I still feel like I haven't found where I need to be. I have ideas but haven't made any changes to get there and that's hard for me to deal with or understand why. Time goes by so quickly. If the time now is right for you and your family...it's time to go for any dreams you have. I don't want to get to the end of my life and have regrets. We can't please all people but it's so important to be honest to ourselves. So, I hope you have all the strength you need right now to make the choices you want for your life.
The blogs I love to read most are the real ones with stories that I can relate to. So I can't wait to hear what's up and wish you lots of courage to follow wherever your heart takes you ~
Sarah

It's me said...

Follow your dreams darling......love from me...xxx.....

Secret Garden Cottage said...

Jessie, I wish you the best of luck in whatever new ventures you take in life. I know what you mean about going through the motions. There were things I wanted to do, but never had the support from my husband... at least you have that.

Don't let others drag you down. Have faith in yourself. You can accomplish amazing things when you believe in yourself. :)

Big hugs,

Jo

Posy and Co. said...

Oh, sweet Jessie. To say that I completely understand your post would be an understatement. My story is also long, full of many hills and valleys. Some of these hills and valleys have been the result of choices I made. Many are not. No matter, the outcome of these life experiences has been fear. Fear of failing. Fear of success. Fear of letting people down...I've come to learn that in the end, living my life as authentically as possible is the key to happiness and fullfillment. I wish you all the very best in your journey lovely lady. And remember, I'm an email away should you require an unbiased shoulder to lean on! Much love, Lisa

Rusty Hinge said...

Jessie, I pray that in whatever your new venture is, you have peace and true joy throughout. Changes are tough, I know! I almost downright hate them, but they are necessary, aren't they?
I hope that your transition is a smooth one.
Your friend,
Maria

A Cozy Cottage in the City said...

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement - it really means SO VERY MUCH to me!!! :)

Hugs,
Jessie

Pamela Bates of Mercantile Muse said...

jessie, i have certainly had the same feelings at different times. you feel like you're hitting your head against a brick wall. and boy, that sure does get old. have faith that each step is the right one, or you wouldn't be where you are today. so take another and just keep going. and don't worry about what others think, instead be true to yourself and everything else will follow.

June said...

I remember feeling the same way when I was younger. I thought there must be more that I could be doing to cultivate more joy and purpose in my life...and so I just went for it. I tried many things to express my creative spirit and am happy to say that it has enriched my soul so much. And though my life changed when I had Landon, I am happy that I jumped in with both feet when I did so I could accomplish so much I wanted to do, before I had a new calling in life. At the beginning there was no internet (there are so many more opportunities now for those of us who want to soar) but I was able to make great money with my art and teaching and it gave me so much satisfaction as a woman. I too, had the best husband ever, for letting my wings stretch. Too many girls wait too long to make all their dreams come true, and I am happy to see you are not one of them. Good luck to you on the journey Jesse. It will be wonderful!
hugs from here...

jessica said...

Thinking and hoping for the best.

It's your life!! As long as you are doing what feels best for you and your family....

They are what matters most!

Much hugs and love to you!

~*Jessica

Town and Country Gals said...

Jessie,
there comes a time sometime in our lives where we have to follow our hearts wether others agree or not! You've got support from the most important people in your life, the ones who truly count, that's all you need. The others will come around and if they don't, then that's something they will have to deal with! Life's to short, we need to do what makes us happy if at all possible. The biggest regret is in not trying. I know everything will work out the way it's supposed to for you. You know you have our support in what ever you do!
Rebecca

Red Rose Alley said...

Jessie,
You are such a beautiful person. The one part that I totally relate to is that you are guarded in life. I am too, but sometimes I think you have to be in this world. I'm not sure what you're going through right now with the changes that are coming your way, but I do hope it all works out. I have found that you can't please everyone all the time, so just be happy, pray, and love yourself. I think that will take you far. You are loved,

~Sheri at Red Rose Alley

Shanon at Vintage Sparkle Chic said...

Jessie, you deserve happiness! Whatever that is that makes you so happy.....YOU SHOULD DO IT! Your boys sound like they realize that, too. Follow your dreams, you can't go wrong! Looking forward to seeing just what that is :)

~Shanon

Special 'K' said...

We will always be here, whenever you may need us. I wish you every success in your new endeavour and I hope with all my heart you find what it is you so need and are looking for. Know we are thinking of you. Cheers SpecialK XoXo

A Cottage Muse said...

So inspired by you today Jessie, I'm in your corner!!

Lynn said...

Jessie, you are not alone. In the past year we had a terrible loss in our family, and it made me realize that life is too short not to do what you love. A very wise person in my life stated, If you don't try, you'll never know. You have the support of your boys and I think that is great. I feel like if you do what is in your heart, how can that be wrong? Hugs, Lynn

Susan said...

Oh Jessie, you are such a sweet person. It's sad to hear that you've had some tough experiences in life and haven't always gotten full support from loved ones.
You are truly blessed to have those wonderful boys & husband in your life - the valentines are precious!
I wish you all the best as your old-made-new dream unfolds. Try not to be too afraid, and know you've got lots of support from your blog friends! :)

Cottage and Broome said...

You always need to follow your heart, good luck. Thanks for stopping by Laura

Blooming Rose Musings said...

Jessie, I am so happy to hear you are going to follow your dreams. As you said, life is too short not to follow your dreams. I wish you all the very best!

Carole said...

Good luck Jessie, wishing you all the best as your life unfolds. Many more happy dreams!

Ashley said...

Dearest Jessie....I am in the same boat.....Thinking to myself "Is this it?" "Is this all that life has to offer?" but like you, I have a wonderful amount of love from three children and an amazing husband, of whom always support me and alot like you, that's about it. But, thank God for the humbling moments when he re-assures me, that no, this is not it, this is not all their is to life! =) I have the most amazing children that depend on me and a husband who needs me (lets face it, who else will do his laundry hehe) WE get tired in life, but that's when we need to lean on each other for support and friendship and prayers....I wish you all the best and whatever you may decide you will do wonderfully! You are extremely talented and very inspirational! Xo ~Ashley

suzey said...

Good luck with your dream. That is what life is all about-taking chances!

Katherines Corner said...

Follow your dreams my friend. I join your husband and your sons and I support you too in whatever you are deciding to do. xo

Karen said...

My sweet friend Jessie, you should follow your heart and use the many talents you have been blessed with. In my experience, if an idea just won't go away, then you have to listen and you have to try it. Even if it doesn't seem to 'work out' the way you hoped, you will have learnt valuable lessons from it. Don't worry about the relatives/friends. When they see how happy you are they will change their minds because they love you (in their own funny way!) God bless x

Stacey@A Sort Of Fairytale said...

I knew I missed a post! Well, I can certainly relate. I always feel like I need something more than just the day to day of my life...you know what I mean from my most recent post you left a comment on ;)
I'm glad you have decided to pursue your dream, it takes lots of courage to do so! I'm sorry some of your family has not been supportive of your dreams...that can be very hard, I know, and family stuff is always complicated. I'm wishing you the best on achieving your dreams and goals, my friend...you are super talented, so i have no doubt you will succeed! if you ever want to email me personally to talk about it, I'm here...
Hugs
:)

Lynn said...

Hi Jessie - I just popped in and read your post. You have no idea how I can relate to this. All I can say is go for your dreams and never look back. I'm 53 and I struggle every day with feeling like I've missed the boat. Fear is the enemy. Remember, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." You can do "it"!! Blessings to you and thanks for sharing. I needed to read this today :)
Lynn at Cottage and Creek
www.cottageandcreek.com

Jodi@FreshVintageHome said...

Hi Jessie, Fear can be debilitating, and change can be the scariest of all. Especially when its a dream you have been carrying, because the fear of failure would seem like the dream is over and "everyone" was right. So much of what you wrote is EXACTLY my own struggle. I think you are much younger than me (Im 45)...I only wish I would have been braver earlier because the desire only seems to intensify with age and as my children move from home. Be brave and follow your heart! As a mother, that is what I want most for my own children...to listen to their heart and use their gifts in life! The rest will take care of itself. Having joy in life is the greatest gift of all:) Many blessings to you and take the leap... One day at a time:)

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