Courage, Confessions & Change...

Hello everyone!!! How have you all been? I know it's been a brief while since I was on here last. And even though it's really only been 2 weeks, it does feel like so much longer when it comes to "blog land!" :) In all honesty, I was debating back and forth as to how I was going to talk about what has been going on over here for the past month or so {actually, it's been much longer than that}, and that's probably why I haven't really said much about it until now. But I figured that I'll just be as honest & true about it as possible, and will try my best not to be too cryptic...

Have you ever felt like there were times in your life that you were just going through the motions? That each day passes, and you're kind of in a "fog?" Wondering if what you are presently doing is your true calling in life? Or if possibly you were destined to do something completely different? As you continue to ponder, those days turn into weeks, and those weeks turn into years, and then one morning you wake up, and you are still wondering where you really are in this "tree of life?"

Maybe many of you have never felt that way because you know exactly where you are supposed to be. But for some people like myself, it really has been a struggle personally. I did go through some very difficult and painful experiences on my own during my early years {late teens, but adulthood}, but thankfully I was able to get through it all in one piece, but definitely NOT without any consequences. With that being said, I wouldn't change one thing about the past, as it has molded me into the stronger person that I am today. But there is still some unfinished business that I have been waiting patiently to complete...

So without having to get too melodramatic about it, I will just cut to the chase and state that I have decided to pursue an old {but modified} dream of mine. This so-called "dream" isn't something that just popped out of nowhere. It has been something that I have contemplated about for many, many years. But the "stars never seemed to have been aligned" for me...at least so I thought. Truthfully, fear had much to do with the wait. Of course, finances as well as other factors like never feeling good enough, or dare I say that I felt too old to try & make a change in my life!

But you know what? Life is constantly in bloom, and if one window in a dark little room closes...another one can only open!

But if only going back to pursue those dreams were as easy as receiving a bagful of goodies on Valentine's Day! Wishful thinking, I know. :)

But I can't even begin to tell you all the feelings that have surfaced after this journey for myself began. Feeling like a nervous wreck, trying to manage my time between commuting, necessary time for myself, as well as making sure I am devoting enough time with my family. And let's not forget the various projects on the home front... Truthfully, I have been overwhelmed, happy, nervous, excited, nauseous, and insecure all at the same time {whew!}!

So at times like this, I look to my family for inspiration & support. Yes, my children really are my heroes! Its those boys of mine who have helped me get through some of my darkest days. I won't lie, I've had my fair share of depression and feelings of isolation, but when I think about how much my boys need me and how much they look up to me, I simply can't let them down. And it also really helps to have the most loving & supportive husband that any woman and wife could ever ask for. My darling hubby really is my rock!

And so my "trio of boys" are the foundation in my life! Sadly, they are also the only ones that really support my decisions. Without having to get into anymore personal details, they are the only ones amongst those in my immediate & extended family that understand and support my choices. The situation is really much more complicated than I'm willing to unveil at this time, but just know that I do have a tendency to be guarded and sometimes there are inevitable consequences of being too elusive.

At any rate, life is beautiful and it's too fleeting to have to worry about what others think. And so, here I am opening myself up to my friends and readers here in blog land. Some people may not understand or agree with some of the things that I {do or} write about; and some people may embrace me wholeheartedly. But regardless, this is me: at times vulnerable & insecure, but mostly honest, genuine & true.

And so with that all being said, I hope you will continue to follow me on this little journey called life. :) And although my time here {in the "land of blog"} may sometimes be limited due to time constraints, there is still so much that I want to share! Constant redos on the "fixer upper" home front, creative projects that I am always so excited to show you, etc. You all really do inspire me to be be just as inspiring {I hope that makes sense}! :)

Well my dear friends, I hope I was honest enough without having to be too vague. It's hard for me to put myself out there, but because this decision is a huge part of who I am, being forthcoming about it was the only way to go. :) Anyway, I hope you all had a most wonderful weekend and wishing you all a lovely new week!!!

XOXO's,
Jessie

P.S. In case you are wondering, those "Valentine's images" were craft projects that my youngest son did at his school using pieces of clothing that he had outgrown. And the bags of goodies were a last minute project that we worked on using the vintage twine that I purchased from Maria at Dreamy Whites He was then able to pass them around to his classmates on Vday & my preschooler wrote those letters all by himself {of course I had to tell him which letters to write}! :)